I wish. I really do wish that I could end my life. But, there are people and things in my life that I do love with all of my heart. I feel like i’ve let them down. Cutting myself, that just shows how weak I am.. Shows how worthless I am. I don’t understand why my two best friends/cousins love me. I don’t understand why they love to hang out with me. I don’t understand at all. I don’t understand why my parents haven’t given up and just disowned me… I don’t hate life. There are days where things start to feel okay and I can actually smile.. But then again, there are many days where I need to fake a smile and try to act hyper. Fake it all. That’s what I do quite a bit. The reason I cry myself to sleep every night? The reason I feel like i’m not good enough for anything? Many reasons that I can’t even explain.. All i’ve ever wanted was to just be that other girl. The girl with no prosthetic, the skinny girl… The girl who isn’t afraid of everybody and everything. I guess that will never happen though.
But what I really want… Is to just be happy and not have to fake it… To have people who do love me and aren’t lying about it… And to have a true friend who I absolutely know wont ever leave me. Ever..